Talk:Ciel
Your Review Introduction The introduction does what its supposed to do, but it is in my own opinion too short, as it doesn't entice me as the reader, and if I hadn't roleplayed with him I probably would never take the time to read his article based on this, this is a very large set-back in my opinion as the rest of the character is actually quite well-written. Rating 4/10: Due to the reasons I mentioned. Appearance You've written his appearance quite nicely, and I got a good picture of what he looked like - the fact that he always dresses so refined is actually abit comical (he dresses alot like the butler of some sort) - good job describing his clothing, and the little thing about his grin also quite neat. About his looks, you've defined him as rather attractive man; while I personally disagree with that, it is of little relevance in this review (I'm no girl either, so I guess that might have something to do with it), though if you wonder why, suffice to say that he's in my earnest opinion too feminine in his appearance: This is also why Hiroya found him unattractive in our roleplay! 7/10: Because you've put a good deal of effort in here, and managed to ascertain alot with relatively few words, which is pretty good. Personality The first thing I noted is that Ciel is rather similiar to [[Optimates (Lords of Hell)#Arthfael|Arthfael]], in that they're both eccentric individuals whom are known for their random fits and mood-swings, they're also similiar in that they're both of high rank within Hell (Arthfael being one of the Four Lords, and Ciel being one of the Princes). His personality is both inoriginal and original yet, he fills the archetype of the "Evil Demon" quite well - the fact that he has a soft spot for women also make him somewhat interesting, I also liked his own unique "Perks" such as drawing a smiley face with the victims blood, that one actually made me laugh - I have a rather morbid sense of humor, yes I know. 7/10: Its like the Appearance section put well together, and it serves to highlight his personality, though you might want to split it up in more paragraphs to make it easier to read. History The first part of his History is somewhat misleading, while I understand that he had a borderline relationship with a fellow Vasto Lorde, though I'm rather confused as to how these things work out exactly - as it is basically not commented upon by you. I'd advise cleaning this up abit. For the second part of his History it provides a certain insight, though I get the feeling that it is largely left unfinished, I personally find that one should craft the History section entirely in a single go so as to not to confuse or cut off the reader, as by then the article may lose some of its appeal. Equipment I don't really have too much to say about this section, other than that you've incorporated several aspects of his personality quite neatly - and that the weapon itself is fitting for him; another positive thing is that he uses this instead of a Zanpakuto, which high-lights his race as a Demon. The idea is also quite good. 8/10: As it is a good, and short but yet pleasing section, which describes what you want to describe perfectly, this is one of the best sections. Powers & Abilities This is an important section of most characters, which leads me to agonize over the lack of detail in many of the most important fields - most easily recognizable in your Kido; Ciel is a "Grandmaster" in Kido, I use this term loosely because as I see it, the "Grandmaster" title is to me an attempt at lessening the worth and skills of masters, which leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Your Kido section is also something of a "Zinpachi", in that I feel he doesn't desserve the skill he has in this field, because of the dire lack of information - there's also no mention -at all- how he came to attain such immense levels of skill. This drags the rest of the section down immensly. This is supposed to be his greatest skill, and it is Kido to boot, it needs a "Huge" amount of information to even be remotely belivable, which you fail to deliver. You should take a good amount of time to adjust this, you state that he knows how to cast aleast a thousand of spells - you should atleast write up five of them for it to be believeable. The rest of the abilities are written out quite nicely, and I think the "Scythe Master" is a nice addition, as it describes and woks on what you mentioned earlier. I do notice a good degree of potential godmodding here though, I think you'd be able to find out exactly what is on your own. though, at any rate I'll be moving over to his Demon Form. This form is clearly the pinnacle of your character, and so far I've not seen it in any roleplay - the fact that this is so powerful is thus perfectly justifiable, in my opinion there's really more problems with the abilities he has in his normal form. The "Eye" is an interesting addition though, and its quite easily the most dangerous aspect of this form, it also creates a challenge in battle - as his opponent would have to fight him effectively without looking straight at the eye for more than a few seconds at a time There's not really much to say about it, as his abilities in this form is pretty general and unremarkable other than what I stated above. 5/10: As despite the positive points, you've simply not given enough informaton for it to deserve a higher rating. Conclusion Its quite obvious to me, and hopefully to you as well that this article requires a degree of work still. Especially, and I can't seem to stress this enough in the regards of Kido, if he's a Grandmaster, please take your time to add some proof to it, and make it indisputable. Due to the negative, and several unfinished parts I'll give this article a 6/10 - because of the problems I highlighted above. The character does express potential though. PS: Sorry for my somewhat harsh judgement, but I'm quite strict in these things. ﻿=